What To Do When A Woman (or Guy) Challenges you

michaelvalmont Blog, Conversational Hacks, Dating Tips, Social Skills Leave a Comment

What should you do if your date challenges you?

You walk into a bar.

Things are going very well. You’ve met a gorgeous girl, who is just your type. Not just in the way she looks, but her personality too. She’s fiery, fun and confident.

However, things take a turn for the worst when she throws out a stinging comment:

“Your shirt looks dorky”

From her perspective, that’s normal behavior. It’s part of the flirting process and she enjoys testing men that are trying to court her. In your eyes, you are caught completely off guard. Your response:

“Ok, thanks…I guess?”

She gives you one more look up and down and walks away. A conversation that was going so well fumbled at the last moment. Women, particularly the most social ones will naturally throw out tests and challenges to see if you are the caliber of man that she is looking for. It not necessarily a conscious effort on her part although on some occasions it definitely is.

I’ve heard these tests called many things. “Shit tests” is one word I’ve heard used a lot but I don’t like the term. Test’s such as these are not only courtesy of women but we also get them from fellow courting males in dating scenarios and social situations. So it’s of crucial importance that we learn to deal with these well and ‘pass with flying’ colors.

What is the best way to deal with these types of tests?

  1. You need to have this I don’t give a shit type attitude. Remember if you are putting yourself out there and she doesn’t like you then fine. There is an abundance of other beautiful women with great personalities for you to meet.
  2. Emotionally unreactive – Don’t bite the bait and start trying to justify yourself or prove how cool you are. As an attractive man who speaks to many women, you are used to such tests so this doesn’t come as a surprise or catch you off guard at all.
  3. Verbally responsive – Just because you don’t respond emotionally, doesn’t mean you have to sit there like a punching bag. Use a strategy that I call agree & exaggerate or flip it back on her
    1. Agree and Exaggerate is where you simply go along with what she is saying and you take it to the extreme. This makes it into a joke and can no longer be taken with any seriousness”I’m so glad I nailed the dorky look, that’s exactly what I was going for, I’m the dorkiest mofo at this party, hell yeah!”
    2. ¬†Flip it back on her:”Yes, I guess it is kind of dorky but that makes us the perfect pair then doesn’t it?!”

Using these strategies will allow you in dating scenarios and social contexts to be smooth and navigate tough conversations. Remember this is an art form and does take practice too.

I’d love to hear about your results in the comments below and any other way you deal with tests that are dished out your way. If you want to get better at dating, just call me!


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